Casting the Penguins as Game of Thrones Characters

It’s done and over. The eight-year ride of Game Thrones ended with some illogical twists of characters and plotlines which created the let down heard ’round the world but all finished as should. Even if the methods were implausible the fantasy world went on as it should. And so with a month to kill before the NHL Draft and five weeks before the start of free agency, PHN will stoop to having some fun with the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Winter can’t come soon enough.

(SPOILER: If Jon Snow was the true heir, he has every right to kill the queen and take the throne. It wouldn’t be a crime.)

So, which Penguins would be cast as Game of Thrones characters? Let’s start with the easy one.

Sidney Crosby as Jon Snow

The loyal, shorter than many, leader of men who engenders love from the subjects, wins battles and has indeed returned from the dead. The reluctant leader of the hockey world, Sidney Crosby can almost be heard whispering, “I don’t want it.” Resolute character and always says the right thing. Sid also spends a lot of time on the wall, too.

Evgeni Malkin as Daenerys Targaryen

Will the Penguins co-leader and man who escaped a bad situation in foreign land become the mad king or will he stay to rule peacefully? We’ve followed Malkin’s march from Russia to include the Calder Trophy, the Conn Smythe Trophy, and Hart Trophy. Yet, it could all go wrong in the end.

When Malkin gets angry, he breathes fire upon opponents but in the end will he also burn down his own kingdom?

Derick Brassard as the Red Witch

Brassard is no longer alive in the Penguins universe either but his arrival was thought to herald the return of a kingdom ordained by the gods. Three top centers. Instead, the Penguins burned at the stake and ultimately lost the battle everyone thought they would win. At the conclusion, Brassard returned something to the Penguins in the form of Jared McCann and Nick Bjugtad before vanishing.

Jim Rutherford as Lord Varys

He was right. The Whisperer paid for his crimes in front of the Penguins fan base but has gotten more right than wrong. He’s served ownership faithfully but now may be on the opposite side of his boss’ philosophy. As Rutherford acquired Marcus Pettersson, McCann, Bjugstad and Erik Gudbranson, the people will not forgive Ryan Reaves, Jack Johnson or Brassard. He will be forced to make a potentially Penguins universe altering choice soon.

Bill Guerin as Tyrion

If there is anyone in the Penguins organization with the personality to be Peter Dinklage’s incredibly popular Tyrion Lannister, it is Guerin. His sharp wit and personality made him an instant locker room favorite which propelled the Penguins to the 2009 Stanley Cup. His wits also elevated him to the Hand of the King. Even as he disagrees with the King, he’s able to make a good case and help guide the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Patric Hornqvist as Arya Stark

Is there anyone else in the Penguins room with the free spirit and warrior’s heart like Arya? Hornqvist will take his lumps to achieve his goal and he’ll do it by any means necessary. As the Penguins winless skid reached double digits in November, it was Hornqvist in the middle of the room, every day, saying, “not today.”

We also considered Hornqvist as a wildling. He would make a good Tormond, too.

Jack Johnson as The Hound

Not well liked but brutish and successful at his job, Johnson has been disfigured by Penguins fans as he pummeled opponents with more hits than any Penguins defenseman has dished in the past decade. Johnson clears a path in front and is the last line of defense. He doesn’t speak loudly and the kingdom won’t ever love him, but his job was done.

Phil Kessel as Jamie Lannister

You’re not quite sure if Kessel is a good guy or a bad guy. He has his own agenda and is quite successful. He has slain more than one King and seeks to reunite with Evgeni Malkin even though he should have been better suited for a 6-foot-6 blond center. He is indifferent to everything beyond what he cares about but is still well-liked among the people. Perhaps Kessel will avoid the same fate as the Penguins kingdom collapses upon him.

Dominik Simon as Gendry

The bastard son with far more to offer, who finds himself at the center of the action despite a humble storyline. Never quite a major player but always with the potential and always with the top line characters.

Erik Gudbranson as Lady Brianne of Tarth

Initially scoffed at and disrespected, he proved his worth and defended the Penguins royalty. He became a pillar and relied upon member of the defense, even as it was under siege. Larger than everyone else, he also battled the evil Tom Wilson and won.

Kris Letang as Sansa? Ian Cole would have been the ideal Tormond.

Leave your own comparisons in the comments!