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Roasting the NHL Third Jerseys…and Everything Else

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NHL teams are again raising money for orphans, lost puppies, and the salary cap by introducing new third sweaters, or jerseys, if you must. The Pittsburgh Penguins have been the most prolific users of the third jersey concept, but airports across the country are already filled with jean shorts and Penguins t-shirts.

The Anaheim (Mighty) Ducks went first with a throwback to their Disney owned, offside “flying V”, sober Goldberg days of the early ’90’s. Disney picked the right star of Men At Work, didn’t they?

The Arizona Coyotes also released a third jersey for their dozens of rabid fans who remember stealing the team from Winnipeg. In fairness, most people who lived in Glendale in 1996 are dead.

Yesterday, Forbes reported the Coyotes burned through $50 million last year. Shane Doan won’t have to buy a jersey to be retired but he did have to pick up the lunch tab with John Chayka. Fortunately, the Coyotes may someday be as popular as baseball spring training.

One Pennsylvania team released their alternate sweater, but the Philadelphia Flyers are trying to hide from their fans in mostly black. Perhaps for Halloween, the black and orange Flyers will trick or treat as a team which hasn’t disappointed more fans than Star Wars Last Jedi.

The Flyers are so proud of the sweater, images are more scarce than their penalty killing.

Injured? You need a lawyer. Call Joshua R. Lamm.

PHN almost forgot about the Carolina Hurricanes. Much like their fans. After dealing Jeff Skinner for pucks and acquiring Dougie Hamilton, perhaps the jersey should feature tattered white flags. Maybe Hamilton will find the Hurricanes competitiveness in a Raleigh museum. The two flags look like a “B” on the front, which would be the highest offseason grade they’ve received in 10 years.

Next year, new Hurricanes owner Tom Dundon plans to unveil another retro jersey for his home fans.

This week, the Vancouver Canucks released plans to wear one of the great sweaters in NHL history. Using a great jersey is good because there will be few other reasons to watch the Canucks. While Vancouver is going back in time, perhaps they could take the knives out of Trevor Linden’s back.

The Columbus Blue Jackets and St. Louis Blues are also expected to unveil third jerseys, but just like expectations they’ll contend for a Cup, we’re still waiting.

According to JerseyWatch.com, the Toronto Maple Leafs may also release a third jersey but not before their fans put down every other team then bemoan the unfairness of not winning a Stanley Cup since 1967; two years later, Americans walked on the moon and Toronto learned they weren’t actually the center of the universe.

Instead of an alternate sweater, the Vegas Golden Knights will revert to their original home jerseys. In a symbolic move, the team will put all of their names on Marc-Andre Fleury’s back.

For everyone who is interested, there are Adidas mockups for every NHL team…because NHL players are cheaper than high school basketball players.

Hope you don’t take this too seriously. It’s a roast!

 

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Pittsburgh Hockey Now owner, formerly 93.7 The Fan, Sportsnet Hockey Tonight. Catch Dan tweeting @theDanKingerski and the official @pghhockeynow account.

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